A novel

Once upon a lime in the kingdom of Ohio there was a guy named Krayzee Duk but we'll call him Mookie. Mookie never paid his taxes so one day the king of Ohio came and asked Mookie why he never paid them.

"Well, because I don't want to", said Mookie. So the king had his wizard turn Mookie into a beaver.

"Well, I'm still not going to pay my taxes", said Mookie. So the king had Mookie kicked out of Ohio. Mookie was very angry about this and decided to take a long walk. But he wasn't looking where he was going and fell down a hole to the underworld. Then Mookie woke up and realized he was dreaming. So it seems Mookie was really a bush. "Nooooooooooo", said Mookie. He tried as hard as he could to move but he couldn't. Then he saw a dog walking by.

"Hey, you dog, get me out of here", said Mookie. The dog piddled on Mookie. Then Mookie said a bunch of bad words and an old lady came and hit him with her purse. Mookie decided that he should just be happy as a bush. But then Mr. Smith came up and said "Time to trim the hedges". So Mr. Smith took out a giant pair of scissors and cut a big chunk off of Mookie's body.

"AAAAAAAAHHHGH", said Mookie. So then Mookie died and got reincarnated as a koala. After spending a long time in his mother's stomach he was born. It turned out that Mookie had three heads. Since he was deformed he only lived for two seconds. So then he got reincarnated as a koala again and he only had one head this time…. But he had seventeen noses! So he died again and got reincarnated as a toilet.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO", said Mookie. Mookie suddenly grew some legs and ran away. Everyone was chasing him because they had to go potty but he outran them all. He eventually got to a store and hid in there. Mookie saw that it was a taxidermy store and they had all his old bodies on display (except the bush). So Mookie stole his old bodies from the store and jumped into a time portal and came out as a three headed seventeen nosed koala toilet. He looked so weird that anyone who saw him instantly died. So he ran away to the school for the visually impaired where nobody would ever see him. Mookie was a grade A student and he made lots of friends. So everyone lived slappily evar after.


--by Nic DeStefano